Kirkis (kirkis) wrote,

In limbo

I've had a crush on this one girl for about a year now, and for the duration of this crush, I have been in limbo. We started talking a few weeks before I moved back up to MSU, and she doesn't go to state. Because of this, I never really considered moving forward and figured that she would probably be in another relationship soon (most likely one that is closer to her). But, her and I remained single for the past year.
We live a distance apart from each other, and thus don't often see each other. But everytime we hang out, I begin to fall into my "crush" mode for her. Now i'm at the point where I am sick of this cycle of liking her, not seeing her for awhile, hanging out and liking her again, not seeing her.... I just want to be with her and hope that it works out.
Since my last relationship (4 years ago, I counted today), i've been wiery to become too close with a girl. (side note, I sometimes look-up words that I use to verify if I am using the correct word, and i just looked up "wiery". I thought it meant "unsure", "worried", "scared", but instead it is a word for "wet", "moist", and "marshy". I'm just gonna go with it). Back to my story, I have been thinking about dating her for about a year now, and I cannot think of one good reason for me to not go for it. Shes just such an awesome person, super nice, the exact morals I live by, and very attractive.
Here's the problem, how do I approach this? Should I start calling her more? I'm afraid to do that because the last girl I liked said I called her to often (3 times a week). At the same time, if she starts calling me more often it would be mutual. Should I just straight up ask her? I feel that is a little forward, and I am super shy.
Just to mention, I am the most typical guy, maybe even below average, at being able to read signals from a girl. I straight up need a girl to tell me exactly what she is thinking and what she wants. I take little hints and signals as "jokes" or I just ignore them unintentionally. For example, a girl will say "I want to go home, would you like to take me?" and I would think "ok, then afterwards I can stop by my buddies place" or something along those lines.
I think this stems from low self-esteem. May it be a mild case, I am still affected because of my low confidence in my self. Tucker Max said it best about one of his good friends, one of his friends thinks that a girl who doesn't like him is dumb because he is great, but a girl who does like him is stupid because why should any girl like him. Its a screwed up catch-22 that I think i'm caught in.
To finish off my story, I really need to do something to keep this girls "friendship" with me strong and make it stronger. Shes perfect, and I really don't want to lose her.
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